This blog has ceased to exist. Coincidentally, this post also happens to be the 150th post of this blog. Haha.

Please do not visit this anymore. Don't waste your time.

Go and mug!

Been some time since I blogged here. Not that I haven't been bloggin lately. Just that I've been blogging somewhere else, somewhere that only some of my brothers will go, in place of this blog.

So people reading this, if any, please note that this blog will cease to be updated as of now.

Life passes so quickly... Heard about guilan's passing away yesterday morning, and was really shocked. Couldn't really believe the sms that Jack sent me.

Guess that it osrt of woke me up to the vulnerabilities of man, how frail we are that we could be gone any moment, anywhere, and be taken back up, or for some, sent down.

She was very friendly, and always smiled whenever I saw her, it didn't occur to me that her life would be over so soon. It occured to nobody. It was more than a year a ago when she left, I guess, and she had been close friends with the youths. I could still remember her during the very first youth camp that I attended.

Somehow to me, nothing like this would happen to anyone that I knew; It had never been the case. But yesterday I received a wake up call. I couldn't imagine any of my friends go in such a sudden manner, and I was shocked...

Will I be ready to face God when he decides to bring me back?

Will I be able to answer to him if he does so five minutes later from the posting of this blog?

I really don't know.

Give me peace...

All geared up for one final stretch of MRP'ing, two solid hours should be enough.

Almost done anyway.

Mind boggling afternoon, MRP all the way.

What I'm more concerned about is finding the time to write a meaningful piece of an ariticle for Grad Night, due tomorrow. Really don't want to mess it up, leaving me to regret.

Wanna write more, but, maybe next time.

Learnt alot over the weekend through my serving and throughout my activities in church. Serving was great all in all, except for some big mistakes nearing the end, however, I just treat it as a learning experience. Even though it really brought the worship to quite a low point.

I for one, learnt a new way to transpose songs, by playing the 4th, 5th and then 1st.

There's this unwritten rule that people don't criticise the worship team to me... people always go 'not bad lah' or 'okay lor', as if I don't already know that it was really a big cock-up. hahah. like some consolation. I know they just want to encourage us, but sometimes some constructive criticism could help. Appreciate my mentor's feedback yesterday.

Come on! Go ahead and criticise me! That's the only way I can learn faster.

Haven't been blogging for quite some time. Was very inspired by the professional kind of worship put up by our music ministries. Sometimes I feel like a little kid going 'wow' when watching them play. It's like all the 'tu2 di4' watching their masters play. Moses is there. Joshua is there. Pinjun is there. There's just so much dynamism, so much teamwork, so much little fills and attacks that make the music good. And what's important is that they all work for a common purpose, that is to bring our church worship to a new level. Which is something that we've always been trying to do.

I wonder when we, the youths, will reach their level, or even surpass them. I guess we'll be praying hard to be good worshippers/musicians, to bring ground-breaking worship to peopel. If that's God's will, I sure he will bring us there.

Even so, I believe I still need to do something to help god bring me there. So I'm devoting at least half an hour reading up on theory and practicing daily.

Its pretty obvious where my interests lay, and I think its really a 180 turn from where I was heading 9 months ago. And its for the better, so praise god!

Now Listening to: Times like these
By: Jack Johnson

It never turned out the way I wanted it to.

What a setback!

Did I put in my best? Yes!

I thought so much, trained so hard, but did my bout do me justice? No!

Thoughts began to surface in the toilet. Am I just not good enough?

Deep down, I knew I could win. I told myself. 12 more months. One more time.

Burn, fire, burn.

Even so, the feeling cannot be stopped, the flow cannot be stemmed, I just need to get over it.

It has been 22 hours since my gastric condition occured. I've been in pain ever since, be it great or minute pain.

Thank God for that 1 hour, that I prayed he would take away the pain. And, surely, for that 1 hour of physics test I was fine. And then It came back.

Really cannot afford to get sick now. Lousy stomach.

Now Listening to: There is Nothing Like
By: Hillsong United

Serving was fantastic yesterday, totally enjoyed the experience, the experience of true worship.

Terribly shagged now. Physics test in about 8 hours time. Horrible stomach ache.

Can't blog anymore, the pain is killing me.

Now Listening to: White Shadows
By: Coldplay

I love my bass woohoo!

Cant stop playing it, thinking about it, imagining myself playing it.

Some progress today, figured out about 80% of Soul to Squeeze by RHCP. Melodic and graceful. Hope to catch the rest of the song through tabs. So excited about my bass, which is unlike me. I'm really feeling the benefits of being able to practice everyday, hopefully I'll be as good as moses in about 20 years time! Yay!

But seriously, I think the practice really helps alot, so I will practice 30 mins everyday.



Anyway, great welcome back to the school, since we did a "gong han" on our first double chinese period on the first day of school! Surprise, Surprise! The other lessons were quite slack, which is good.

Did something quite stupid today, but alas I will put at the back of my head, and nobody will know. It gets dumber the more I think about it.

2 more days to individuals, time to show what I'm made of...

Now Listening to: Soul to squeeze
By: Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Arrr. I really messed my confirmation up... I think. Said things that I shouldn't have said. Ahh well, I guess it's going to be a permanent part of my painful memories... haha =) Embarassing moments are aplenty in one's life, and well, as long as I don't die from it i'm fine. Funny thing is that I'm not bothered by it, and the guys seem more concerned about it than me... hahaha.

Friday had its fair share of touching moments too, both during and after the entire ceremony. I'm glad that my sharing really touched many hearts, and I hope it was a great encouragement to those under the same type of problems. It was rather spontaneous, and some things that I had prepared to say just flew out of the window, leaving me to think on the spot. But it ended up fine anyhow, so praise the lord!

Ahh yes our judokas were there too. Great, great encouragement to me.

To sidetrack a little, my dad was playing arcade pinball on his desktop just now(with booming sound effects). Must be quite bored.

Listened to a very powerful sermon today. The female pastor(?) talked about the power of the holy spirit, and what it can do to a person. Someone like me. She shared about how it has the power to totally change a person's life, and how when you feel it, you just know it is the spirit at work. Don't know why, but I really felt touched by her ending prayer, and its like a sudden gush of strong feelings that hit me in like 5 seconds, when 5 seconds before I was just listening passively. Never felt like that before. It had to be the Holy Spirit at work.

Suddenly, like what she said, I felt free. I felt like I lost control of myself, and just kept on praying and praying and praying. When we sang the song, I didn't really care about the rest anymore. When we clapped, I just clapped loudy. When we jumped, we really jumped.

Amazing. So much freedom, so much joy. Can't believe I did that.

Anyway.

My hair needs to grow longer. Too short to be cut, too long to look neat. Just right in the middle in terms of length, looking like a rambutan. All hail the rambutans in the judo club!

Now Listening to: All of My Days
By: Hillsong

Camp

Though relatively short, it was the biggest, and most enjoyable camp that I have participated in. Could really see that the people were really engaged in the activities, including the new friends. It's really by God's grace that this BGR camp was such a success, looking back in Jan, where the response was really lukewarm at best. Saw that many of our teens have really grown, the 6 of our fellowship of the ring in the teens guys are all group ic's, taking care of the younger ones, and that's really great. The girls have also displayed great maturity in the things they do, I think it's something that nobody should take for granted. I think we should give thanks for their strong spiritual growth, that is inherent even in my sis, after only about what, 1 year in RYM?

Certainly learnt many new things, and clarified alot of my doubts.

I guess sometimes we tend to live by the standards set by the society, by our peers; what we should be doing and stuff like that. But the strong message that resonated in me is that we live not by the standards of others, but according to His standards. It may not be easy, but I think its the right thing to do. Those who attended the camp would agree.

The most satisfying part during the camp would be the group performance. Amazed by the... 'stunning' performances of some of our sisters. I never knew people like Shumin could be so... how do you put it... so menacing, to the point that it frightens me a little. Oh well, I guess the camp really unleashes the beast within us. Besides group performances that rocked, would be the overnight captains ball games. Played like 8-9 matches at least throughout the night. Surprisingly I didn't feel like a walking zombie at 5am in the morning, after 4 hours of captains ball.

Have to thank god that I grew up in renewal, or else I would have never been able to feel that sense of family warmth, that I experienced throughout the 3 days. It's hard to put in words.

Well, my head is still heavy. May write more later.

Now Listening to: You and me
By: Lifehouse

Arrh.

I just found out that the date of my confirmation clashes with the last day of my judo camp!!

But phew. Break camp at 5. Still some time to rush to my confirmation ceremony at 7 plus.

Whole family's going to be there. Signals the coming of age, the age where i'm sensible enough to make my own decisions. I'll be a man after June 24th... haha, sounds so cliche.

I think i'm ready to confirm my faith in Jesus Christ. I've never felt more definite that He is the one true God, the God in my life. Yep. So now is really a good time to confirm it, to tell everyone that He's the one I chose. Not what my parents, or relatives set out for me to believe.

Bought a Hillsong United cd today. Wanted to try out a different kind of worship music. Definitely something different from what I usually hear. Modern rock style. Maybe I'm too used to the adult Hillsong, Michael W Smith and the Don Moens type of music, the more traditional style, thats why I didn't really 'feel' the album as I did with the others. Well, so long as God likes it, I'm okay.

Now Listening to: Deeper
By: Hillsong United

Back from a judo camp, was really fun, as well as tough. In the sense that the training was really tough, and the meals and 'relac' times were really fun. One of the more 'conscious' camps that I've attended, unlike the others where everything blazes past me in a blur. Got to know my seniors more, and they're really a crazy batch of JCs students. There are bears, monkeys, dogs, rats, hippos, and giraffes. All shapes and sizes.

The first day was really tough, but luckily received lots of 'encouragement' from my friends that energized me to go on for another two.

I expect that the next one will be twice as tough.

Went shopping today, sort of. Took a bus to junction 8, sembawang music. Went looking for Steve Tyrile(sp) and/or Jack Johnson, but to no avail. Looks like I can't rely on sembawang for more exotic and different albums. But, still a good source for jay chous, 50 cents, mcflys and whatnot. Will probably look at HMV or somewhere else.

Its really a different feeling shopping alone. Freedom to go where I want, whenever I want. The feeling of being invisible walking through the crowds. Rocks.

Don't know what to do tomorrow. Nothing seems decided.

Now Listening to: Sweet silence

Had a great time serving as a bassist in the adult service today. Wonderful feeling as I just shut my eyes and just flowed with the music, worshipping along. The first time I really 'let go' of myself when I serve, and it was really great. Closing my eyes, 'feeling' the music as I played.

What I did might not be perfect at all. I had doubts whether I was being too loud, too soft, too fast, too slow. In the eyes of man it may just be filled with imperfections, but in the eyes of the lord it is as good as it gets.

In the end all that matters is that I got closer to God throughout this experience.

Going for a 3-day judo camp from hell tomorrow.

I will survive!

Now Listening to: Never Know
By: Jack Johnson

Had a terrible night yesterday. Think I injured my left shoulder, and woke up to excruciating pain on my left shoulder and left back 1am in the morning. Took some panadol, but to no effect.

Kept awake due to the pain, and my mom also woke up. Luckily we have a hot water bag, and I applied it to my shoulder to try and allieviate the pain.

Prayed a silent prayer in desperation at that moment, that God would take away all the pain. And I think he heard my prayers as i was finally able to sleep at 4 plus 5am. Woke up at arnd 7, again from the pain.

Sinseh did some suction thingy on my back, says it's to improve recovery, kinda works. Going back to school tomorrow. Thanks, God.

Now my only hope is that it will not affect me during the camp. Cannot lag behind anymore.



Now Listening to: Next year, baby
By: Jamie Cullum

Hurhur. Rise tomorrow, Lord Vader!

Had great fun today, playing bass and performing a skit for the sunday school. Really confirmed my love for the instrument. Gonna go ahead to get my yamaha rbx374, probably soon.

Also realised that getting a solid bass amp is much more important than getting a top end bass guitar itself. There is just so big a difference when using a good amp and a poor amp. My understanding is that a good amp can make an average bass sound good, but nothing will ever sound good on a lousy amp, which i think is pretty logical. Haha.

Love da tang's Roland, absolutely delicious to play with.

Flooded with priorities, Maths, Core, CL test. Arr.


Now Listening to: Let Me Go
By: 3 Doors Down

Worship service today was good(when isn't worship good?)...

Made some minor mistakes here and there, and the bass solo, although fun, was really petrifying. May seem easy but never is.

I think God really spoke to me during cell group, when we were talking about servant-like thinking, how to think of ourselves less, and of others more, and the essence of serving: humility. He's reminding me that its not about the music, its not about the sermon, its not about whether you perform better or worse than others. It's about Him. Like what Michael W Smith once sang:

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about You
its all about You, Jesus

Yup. It's all about the God above.

Anyway, attended 20 mins of drum lessons with joshua... interesting lesson. I think learning music is not just about hitting every 16th note with lightning accuracy, or that 200bpm solo. It's also about communication through the music, how you speak to the congregation through your music. Not only there is a technical aspect, but there is also a theoratical and philosophical aspect, like what to play and what not to play in a given situation. Because you may possess all the required skills, but how do you apply the skills given to you in effectively bring out the song?

Hmm. Can't wait for bass lessons to resume.

Arrgh just woke up from a nap. Yep. A nap from 2045 to 2245. Seems like I missed out most of my night activities which includes:

1) Erm...

Yep thats about it. Its not a long list. Probably because I have long successfully removed my addiction towards computer games, and I no longer need to receive a dosage of CS every 5 hours 4 times daily to survive. haha. I don't think I even know what I usually do at night.

I just spend it off doing something. There's always something to do.

Yeah... If I really don't have anything to do, I can always blog. =)

Anyway, felt abit angry after reading some stuff and hearing some stuff about tcc... Maybe secrets should always remain as what the word meant it to be. Something that nobody else will ever know. You don't have to be a genius to figure out that even the slip of a tongue or just a passing reference could result in very awkward and embarrassing situations. And I'm not sure if I'm entitled to be angry. It doesn't concern me much at all. Maybe I feel for my brother, maybe I'm just unhappy about what happened. Either way, I wont be inclined to go to tcc again, if thats the only thing we are ever going to do there.

Will pray for my brother.

Lord please give me peace.

Now Listening to: Be like that
By: 3 Doors Down